Relationship Advice: The Unfortunate Reality Of Guilt In Relationships And How To Cope

“Being honest about our feelings is the best way to begin. Never allow guilt to rule, because guilt is a wasted emotion.” -Victoria Giraud.

Relationship advice often emphasizes honesty regarding our feelings to foster healthy relationships. 

Guilt is inevitable. As much as we think that relationships are all sunshine and roses, the reality is that sometimes guilt rears its ugly head.

It too often causes us to stay in unhealthy situations, leading to the risk of engaging in self-sacrifice and a lack of assertiveness. However, knowing where boundaries need to be drawn is essential for the longevity and well-being of a relationship.

So, read on to learn about the four common guilt causes and how to handle them effectively in your relationship!

Four Common Causes of Guilt And How To Cope

Sense Of Dishonesty

A sense of dishonesty is a common cause of guilt and can be challenging to confront. However, rather than letting the guilt grow, having an open and honest conversation with your partner about what happened is better.

For example, suppose you have been dishonest with your financial habits, such as going over your agreed-upon budget and making unnecessary purchases. In that case, being upfront with your partner and taking responsibility is essential.

Hiding the purchase will only cause greater internal dissatisfaction and deepen the feeling of guilt. While bringing up the subject may be awkward, your partner will appreciate your honesty. It may even serve as an opportunity to collaborate on better financial habits to manage money more effectively in the future.

This way, instead of allowing the guilt to fester due to dishonesty, find an opportunity to discuss and help resolve issues that have arisen.


Another important factor that causes guilt is the act of overthinking situations. Overthinking often triggers disturbing emotions, leading to the sensation of guilt. 

This is because we often tend to assign ourselves responsible for things that are beyond our control. Whether scrutinizing your past words or second-guessing recent decisions, overthinking is a source of shame that limits happiness. 

Instead of analyzing everything to the tee, treat yourself as a friend in the same situation; chances are you would be much gentler than you are with yourself. Also, viewing things from an objective standpoint helps reduce feelings of guilt and creates more space for self-compassion and growth. 

In general, learning to differentiate between our responsibilities and those of life will help you manage these emotions more easily.

Sense Of Unworthiness

Everyone experiences guilt and unworthiness at some point in their lives due to many factors. However, one of the primary causes behind these emotions is the feeling that “you are not good enough.”

From life-changing experiences to small daily tasks, we strive to give our best to our partners, but sometimes we fail, which makes us feel inadequate. 

It’s important to remember that no matter how difficult these emotions can be, they don’t have to define you; Everyone makes mistakes and experiences some degree of fear that pushes them down a negative spiral. 

In those times, try to recognise your self-worth and that your partner chose you for the qualities they value in you. Instead of comparing yourself, find comfort and confidence in the fact that your significant other chose you for who you are. 

Doing so helps foster confidence and boost lasting emotional security within yourself.

Overlooking Your Desire

Too often, people prioritize logic and ideology over their own emotional needs. Although it may seem logical to sacrifice one's emotional desires for a more socially-acceptable option, it may lead to guilt in the long term.

Moreover, too often, our responsibilities and expectations from our significant other distract us, causing us to overlook or sacrifice what we truly desire. So, it is important to understand the value of prioritizing emotional satisfaction and recognising that overlooking your desire is good for nothing. 

Furthermore, communicating with your partner when you need to step back for what makes you happy will aid your recovery. Taking control of one's inner desires is the first critical step towards feeling more fulfilled and happy in a relationship.

No relationship is perfect, and there will always be room for growth. However, if you find that you are constantly shouldering the blame in your relationship or feeling guilty more often than not, it might be time to talk with your partner about how you're feeling. By openly communicating with your partner, you can start to heal and move on from whatever is causing it.

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